As a 'people pleaser' I have always been one to bend over backward to accommodate other people's wishes. This has been part of my coping mechanism since I am also one who fears confrontation. At the same time I am one who does not like to go against my own will. These two issues have led me to a pattern of running away over and over again — the whole 'fight or flight' response thing, in which case I have always opted for the flight. Rather than saying, "I am not happy," or, "no I don't like that, please leave me alone," I would usually comply momentarily and then flee because the situation was too overwhelming for me. I would feel trapped and confused, wanting so bad to make everyone happy except myself and never understanding what the real issue was.
Today I have made a decision. I will not lie to make anyone happy. And I will not be afraid to tell the truth. Today I am breaking the lying cycle. I will be true to myself and to others.
Communication is so important in all of our relationships whether they be casual or intimate. What I realized was that when I lied to people to make them happy, I was betraying myself but more than that, I was keeping everyone at a distance, even my loved ones and friends. Nobody could get close to me because nobody could know me because I was never fully truthful about my opinions, wants or feelings. I was putting up a false front that was interchangeable depending on who I was hanging out with and what mood they were in.
I have, of course had several close friendships, but still without being fully truthful I have lost many chances to make those friendships even better and more intimate. I look forward to the opportunity to get to know myself and my friends more fully. I look forward to the new things I will discover about my own character, about my own passions and inspirations. I pray that I will have the courage to share those things with others and that they will have the courage to share their truth too.
May we all share our truth. Namaste.
I am so proud of you. What a brave proclamation; and insightful. It is hard to stand behind our truth and state what we need. To pause and really consider what is happening in the moment and then respond from that centered place of self-healing takes incredible strength.
ReplyDeleteWe can only heal ourselves....
love pam
YES!! It is so humbling to learn these things!! But I feel very honored for the opportunity to be taught hard lessons! I believe that people CAN change and adapt and learn!
ReplyDeleteThanks Pam!!