This column was first published in The Garden Island's award-winning suicide awareness issue of May 2010.
I was baffled and at a loss for words. How could somebody so attractive with so much potential feel so worthless?
“I’m nothing,” he said between sobs, “I’m worse then nothing.”
His pain and hurt was contagious, I began to cry too. How on earth could I make him see that his poor view of himself was unfounded and false? How could I convince him of his worth and value as an individual?
I later learned that this man’s father had played a major role in his poor self-image. He had used hurtful words to manipulate and torment his son when he was angry and very rarely did he speak any kind words to him.
In my personal experience, there are few sayings more untrue than this: “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”
Words are very important. They help us to actively communicate our thoughts and feelings and understand others’ thoughts and feelings toward us. Hurtful words from someone important in our lives can cause emotional wounds that never go away.
Even now, it hurts when I recall harsh words from my father, no matter how far in the past they were spoken. Thankfully those rare words spoken in anger were always reinforced with positive words and profuse apologies later.
I know that my parents love me, because they told me over and over again. They reached out and made an effort to show me by their actions and verbal encouragement. They never gave up on me — even at the lowest points of my adolescent angst when I was quite unruly and harbored a me-against-the-world attitude coupled with suicidal thoughts and destructive tendencies.
Without the positive influence and support of my family I think I would’ve been completely lost. Case in point: No matter what your son or daughter says or how they act, your words matter to them. Make sure to apologize when harsh words are spoken — whether the apology is accepted or not. Always reassure them of their worth and talents. Listen to them. Above all, know that words do matter; they have the power to hurt or heal. Use your words wisely.
I was baffled and at a loss for words. How could somebody so attractive with so much potential feel so worthless?
“I’m nothing,” he said between sobs, “I’m worse then nothing.”
His pain and hurt was contagious, I began to cry too. How on earth could I make him see that his poor view of himself was unfounded and false? How could I convince him of his worth and value as an individual?
I later learned that this man’s father had played a major role in his poor self-image. He had used hurtful words to manipulate and torment his son when he was angry and very rarely did he speak any kind words to him.
In my personal experience, there are few sayings more untrue than this: “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”
Words are very important. They help us to actively communicate our thoughts and feelings and understand others’ thoughts and feelings toward us. Hurtful words from someone important in our lives can cause emotional wounds that never go away.
Even now, it hurts when I recall harsh words from my father, no matter how far in the past they were spoken. Thankfully those rare words spoken in anger were always reinforced with positive words and profuse apologies later.
I know that my parents love me, because they told me over and over again. They reached out and made an effort to show me by their actions and verbal encouragement. They never gave up on me — even at the lowest points of my adolescent angst when I was quite unruly and harbored a me-against-the-world attitude coupled with suicidal thoughts and destructive tendencies.
Without the positive influence and support of my family I think I would’ve been completely lost. Case in point: No matter what your son or daughter says or how they act, your words matter to them. Make sure to apologize when harsh words are spoken — whether the apology is accepted or not. Always reassure them of their worth and talents. Listen to them. Above all, know that words do matter; they have the power to hurt or heal. Use your words wisely.
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